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Depressed [22 Jun 2004|10:48pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

It's sad, I'm not feeling in the best of moods right now. A lot of sad and very depressing things have happened today that have squashed my once happy mood and reduced it to just being depressed but optimistic. And I dont like being in this mood either.

How else would you feel if someone you once thought of as your best friend tells you that you're a fucking ugly bitch, dont deserve to have any friends and should just go and die because  it'd be doing everyone else a favour. You wouldnt exactly be rejoicing over something like that. I certainly wasnt. I was even starting to think it was all true until my better friends convinced me it wasnt. I <3 them.

And to top it all off, none of any of my guy mates, some of whom i fancy like me back. Great. Whats more, Lewis last week was telling me that he really liked me, only to then start going out with Amy Patching. Amy. Bloody. Patching. One of the most prettiest and nicest girls in the year. God I'm jealous. And oh yeah, Alex doesnt like me either. Or Joe. Or ayone. If I wasnt in such a depressing mood I wouldnt mind, I'd just accept it, I mean I know ther are plenty of other fish in the sea, but right now thats just the cherry on top of the bloody cake.

Right, I'm signing out for the night now, love you all x-x

6 comments|post comment

it is NOT fair [17 Jun 2004|06:12pm]
[ mood | blank ]

It just isnt fair. It really isnt.

My sister is in the USA at the mo, has been since january cos she's going to Arizona Uni but thats finished so now she's touring round America with these guys. Well, thats not fair either, but thats not it... anyway...

The clothes that she left at home, I was happily wearing, but then I told her one day over the phone I'd been wearing her clothes which was pretty good of me to do, I thought. Oh no. Bad thing. Veeeery bad thing. I'm no longer allowed to wear her clothes. Ever.

And now, she sends home this box full of clothes and crap that she cant fit in her suitcase, nd on top, I happened to stumble across the cutest little skirt I've ever seen. I want it, its sooo nice. Plus I tried it on and it fits perfectly :D and it looks alright. Here, check it out:

I <3 this skirt *steals it* what skirt, i dont know wnaything about your skirt.....Collapse )

5 comments|post comment

[15 Jun 2004|09:58pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

*is suffering from a serious el-jay disease*

Yeah, I think I'm suffering from a recent outbreak of 'why-dont-i-ever-post-eritus' , also known as 'oopscrapiforgottoupdatethejournalagain-eritus'

Its a proven disease wher you never update your journal. Hardly ever. ever ever. I'm trying to get rid of it, but alas - *cries*

3 comments|post comment

[12 Jun 2004|10:57pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

*pokes stomach*

you know, I actually havent had any meals today. No breakfast, no lunch, no dinner. Why am I not hungry?? *pokes stomach*

yeah, this is scary, no food but I'm not hungry :/ Now to me that doesnt make sense... Especially as its 11pm..

And on another note, I'm in love with my hair. It's being SO nice today, its great :) It's so straight, so shiny :) *hugs haio*

I <3 my hair today!Collapse )

16 comments|post comment

[11 Jun 2004|11:44pm]
[ mood | content ]


Yeah, I've written a poem.....why? cos...umm.....I had lots of feelings that I needed to express. And i was like 'um. *idea* a poem!!' so yeah. Here it is. Gimme your thoughts on it if you want as well, though not necessary :)

These feelings confuse me
I just don't understand
anything I ever want
just flies from my hands

Everything close by me
moves slowly out of reach
I'm running out of options
Should I begin to preach?

I cannot share my heart
If it's just thrown away
Or cast aside by someone new
on some other day

The few who I place near me
Are near me no more
When I try to seek them
They've all gone through that door

Relationships just dont exist
in this thing I call my life
I wnt to break free from this shell
- cut through it with a knife

Yet here I am, stuck in my room
in something far from bliss
And I'm not out there, having fun
Or having my first kiss.

<3 you all

4 comments|post comment

omgomgomgomg [11 Jun 2004|09:35pm]
[ mood | shocked ]

Omg. oh. my. god. ooooh. myyyyyy. gooood. omg omgomgomgomgomg

ok, my heart is racing, my hands are all sweaty, and im all shifty in my seat. why? because.....umm.... well i kinda don't wanna say, but i do. woah. im still in shock. It happened about half an hour ago. omg omg omg omg omg omg.

Ok im not gonna say cos I dont really wanna reveal it (lol, sorry guys :P ). Well Courtney, you know what I did. And lemme say to you, it happened back. If you get what I mean...

God I think I may live to regret that. Or maybe not, I dunno...  ok it wasnt that bad a thing, but still. aaah.

*shuts up*

yeah, everyone please ignore me, I dont know what you guys are thinking, and I dunno if I wanna know. Feel free to guess though... I just needed to enter my feelings cos there's no one online who I can talk to.


4 comments|post comment

[09 Jun 2004|07:40pm]
[ mood | blah ]

BlueJeLLo025: I heart you
oOoxXjenniXxoOo: i heart you more
BlueJeLLo025: nuh uh
oOoxXjenniXxoOo: uh huh
BlueJeLLo025: no
oOoxXjenniXxoOo: umm....
oOoxXjenniXxoOo: lemme check on that...
oOoxXjenniXxoOo: umm...
oOoxXjenniXxoOo: yes
BlueJeLLo025: noo silly
oOoxXjenniXxoOo: er, yes

lol, yeah, so thats how mine and Kari's conversation started off today.

Lmao, we're such losers :P well...i am, at least ^_^

i <3 kari

and oh yeah, anyone feel free to IM me. Honest, I won't bite :)


2 comments|post comment

Changing rooms... [06 Jun 2004|10:24pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I hate Changing rooms at shops where they only have a curtain. Especially when the curtain doesnt close preoperly so that everyone outside can see you inside, in the reflection in the mirror. Honestly, why don't they just get doors??? I felt sooooo self conscious when I had to try on some bras in Matalan today, because I knew that anybody could look in and probably see. God, it was awful, I even tried holding the curtain against the wall with my leg, but that didnt work when I fell over....

My weekends are getting so boring. I did sod all yesterday. No wait, yeah I did *smacks head* I went round my nans for lunch and sunbathed in her garden for a bit, but other than that I did nothing. So I convinced Alex to meet me, but that was about half 8 at night and I was only allowed out till half 10. Meh, anyway... I met him in the middle of this field, and we decided to go and appear at naomi's house and ask to go in. She wasnt very happy. At all. Especially as she already had Amy, Sarah and Sean over and her dad doesnt like ANYONE being round, let along uninvited people. But Amy paid us to go away. Lol, nah, only joking, she gave Alex some money to go buy them pizza and crisps, but Alex ran there. I refused to run, so he was running in zig zags so that I had time to catch up. Bless :)


...what happened next????Collapse )

11 comments|post comment

confused.....and bored [05 Jun 2004|05:19pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Dun dun duuuuuun. Newsflash in: Lewis dumped Sophie :D

Yeah, he said that he hadn't really wanted to go out with her in the first place, which is strange....ok, so I shouldnt be happy because sophie's my mate, but I am. He didn't really hurt Sophie anyway, because they hadn't been together that long, and hadn't really been that involved. I think they'd only really spoken occasionally and that was it. So that makes it sort of alright I suppose....ish. You know what I mean :P

But that means that he's single again! yay! And i was talking to my mate Hayley today who goes to the boys school (yeah, a girl going to an all boys school, its cos she's two years above in the 6th form (kinda like a college within school)), and she was like 'suuuuure he likes you, i know him. And he's hott. Go grab him. Now. Before I stalk him'. But then I reminded HER that I'm the one who know's his email address, mobile phone number, and house address and so on...;)

Today was extremely boring. Saaturday's are the most boring days ever for me. My friends are all doing something, and I'm not. Today for example, Leanne, kristy, Katie, Kayleigh and people were going to laura's birthday party at Megazone (a laser shooty game arena thingy, v. fun!). I wasnt invited cos Im not GREAT friends with her, but that left me bored. And god knows what alex, lews and joe were doing, its impossible to find out what they get up to. For the past week (at night this is, or early morning like 3am, whatever), I know that they walked from Shoebury to Southchurch (about 15 miles) just for the hell of it, and were going round to people's houses. They're crazy, but ya gotta love em.


My boring day (if you can be bothered to read!)Collapse )

2 comments|post comment

[04 Jun 2004|10:11pm]
[ mood | plaaaah ]

Dun dun duuuuuun. **Newsflash in : Lewis has a girlfriend **

uhuh. worse still, it's my mate Sophie. But I'm ok with it now. I wasn't in Tuesday, hence the whole 'crapped up' post. But I'm kinda ok with it now. Kinda. Except when I saw him on Wednesday night at the beach party. Sophie his gf came round my house and we walked to the beach, where Lewis and Alex were. I still really really really like Lewis, but meh, I have to accept the fact that they like eachother. But there is also a plus point :) Lewis's friend alex likes me, and alex is alright, he's soooo sweet :D but i dont know if I like alex. But i like alex's mate joe, but joe doesnt 'like' me, he likes my mate Kristy who all the guys like. its all confusing stuff.

In other news, I've been out every day this week since last saturday. I'm very proud, I think I actually HAVE a life now :) yay. And because I want to, im gonna list what Ive done:  more ramblings from meCollapse )

12 comments|post comment

[02 Jun 2004|05:18pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I just HAD to do this when I saw it in Amy's LJ:

Type your username with your:
nose: icy-azaleqa
elbow: ioy-sazxasler
tongue: icy-azalea
chin: iudy-0aqasqaol4eas (lmao!!)
feet: 976yu-qsswqo4qw (*rofl* thats nothing like it!!)
eyes closed and one finger: icy_azakea (grr, oh so close!)
back of hand: ivcy-axalesa
palm: icy-=azal;eas
mouse: icy-azaaqolewa
wrist: icy-=saxzsarsa

haha! who knew the most accurate one would be with my tongue!!

3 comments|post comment

[02 Jun 2004|12:31pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Ok, after my feeling crappy entry last night, I went and ate my brothers easter egg. Well, half of it actually, I shoved the other half in the freezer because I hate melty chocolate. Naomi told me that chocolate releases happy hormones. I'm sure my brother won't realise his easter egg missing anyway.

Felling a bit better today, but still not great, emotionally and physically. I have a killer cold along with a huge cough, preventing me from sitting down without having a coughing fit, sneezing and then having to go change and wash my top. Nice.

I also had a dream last night that involved me getting shouted at and told i was a fuckin loser and didnt deserve anyone, and got empty bottles of alcohol thrown at me which smashed, making me pass out from blood loss. But joe gave me mouth to mouth when I stopped breathing, which wasn't so bad :)

Ive also decided in my next entry to say why i'm feeling crapped up, cos I've decided how can I feel betetr if I don't really say and admit why I'm crapped up?

Love you all x-x

1 comment|post comment

er...crapped up [01 Jun 2004|10:22pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

plah. i feel like crap and there's a reason but i dont wanna say it. if u wanna know, IM me sometime if ur a good friend and i'll tell you, but i feel so crappy i dont really wanna say it.

for the past few days ive been out with leanne, liv, laura, kristy, becky, sarah and peeps, and have had fun, but kinda not at the same time. which is part of the reason i feel crappy.

god i hate crappyness. it should burn in hell along with homework. and suncream. god i hate putting on suncream *stabs it*

2 comments|post comment

[27 May 2004|10:11pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I had three more exams today. German, Chemistry and Media. The first two were alright, but god media was sh1t hard. I had to write 3 essays and then draw a storyboard, each thing was worth 25 marks, i was like 'holy hell!'. I didnt liek it. one bit.

Ok, im in a good mood, now, just been talking to Lewis :) I like him a lot, if you havent guessed.... and cos im nice imma post his pic under the cut, along with our convo on msn (if you can be bothred to read, its quite long!)


I like being happy <3Collapse )

5 comments|post comment

[26 May 2004|09:30pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I feel so happy.

Last friday, may I mention, when we were in the process of being soaked by the log flume, ther were these guys there, one was Lewis. I briefly met him, and he was giving out free hugs to anyone that was cold, so I grabbed the oppertunity to get some. He's actually a good hugger :)

Anyway. Today on msn, we had a bloody long chat. Nom, under the cut is gonna be part of our conversation...actually, might as well have the whole lot. 

Basically, in one conversation where at the start we didnt know eachother, we've decided that we fancy eachother, that the other is super dee duper nice, and he's asked me out to the cinema. NOT as in bf, gf, jsut to go....out....alone ;)

Squee! im so happy, he's such a nice guy! and he's fit too! (british translation: fit  = super dee duper hott)

ok, ill post the convo later, cant be bothered at the mo, im revising for german, chemistry and media for tomorrow's dose of exams....joy


parts of the convoCollapse )

6 comments|post comment

Icons [25 May 2004|08:07pm]

I made some icons a few days ago that I'm actually SUPER proud of, because they actually look half decent ^_^

Yeah, they're HP of course, would they be anything else????


There were 2 others exactly like these two but the colours variated a little... but I like these two! Do you?

1 comment|post comment

work experience [24 May 2004|11:10pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

oh yeah, also forget to mention: work experience

For two weeks (starting on the 7th June) year 10 go adn do work experience. The forms that your employer signs had to be given in last week. I havent even got a placement yet. And whats more, you have to go during school time to go get the inerview done, as thats the only time when these places are open, but as its exam week this week, we cant take time off. Then we have a weeks break, and then SHEBANG the week after that is work experience. So im kinda crapped. Mrs Nicholls keeps on trying to get me somewhere, and I keep on saying I dont care where I go, cos honestly, I dont care, as long as it isnt the school library, but everywhere they try they cant take me.

Stupid work experience *throws book*

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Revision sucks [24 May 2004|11:03pm]
[ mood | bored ]

ok, so my end of year, year 10 exams start tomorrow. I started revising today. Big mistake. I got home from school (after being dragged to a garden center by my mum. actually, no, i wasnt dragged, i walked in quite happily :D its actually quite nice there) But anyway, I got home at about 5, and began sorting out books I needed to revise for biology, history and graphics; my exams for tomorrow. I Actually STARTED revising about 6, doing biology, but i suck at revision so i just copied outta revision guide onto paper. been doing that for 3 hours now. Im bored, and tired.

And you know i was feeling ill? Don't feel any better. Well, okay, I'm happy and in a good mood, but heck, I feel like total crap. I have a cold from getting soaked on friday night. A huge cold, with all the trimmings - tiredness, sore throat, stomach ache, feeling sick, headaches. Honestly, what happened to a simple 'cold' where you'd perhaps sneeze once or twice and that was it?

My nose now hurts from blowing it with tissue. Stupid cold.

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Not feeling well [23 May 2004|05:00pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I don't feel very well at the moment :( It isnt very nice. I have a sore throat, and amd just feeling very hot and like I'm gonna faint any moment. It isnt very nice 

On a lighter note, my mum just ordered me some ceramic hair straighteners for me from argos. I had to pay myself, meaning Im completely broke, but hey, at least I'll have straight hair ^_^

2 comments|post comment

[23 May 2004|11:16am]

ok ok, I havnt updated in a while. Its very sad. But each time I want to update, I can never really be bothered, and then forget...  Maybe I have update-eritus or something...

Yesterday I took the 'Test the Nation' IQ test. My IQ turns out to be 122, which is quite good I guess!! But i was miffed that I got one more question right than my mum but she got an IQ of 131.....hmph

I have a sore throat right now. It hurts. :(  Especially as I'm dead tired and keep yawning. *stabs self*

Friday night, I walked home to leanne's house, and we then went to peter Pans (now called Advernture Island). It's a theme park along the seafront, and after 6pm you get 1/2 price wristbands (£9)which is good. We went on most rides, including the bloody sky drop where it drops from god knows how high. And dear lord, do I hate heights. My friend Leanne liked the guy who was working on the ride, making sure everyone's strapped in, so when we got to the top and were about to fall she was screaming 'SAVE ME WAYNE!! SAVE ME!!' . He was just laughing his head off....and he's about 20.

So at about half 9 (half an hour before the park closed) we started going on the log flume, and as there were no queues we went on it ogver, and over.... and then we went and stood in the spalsh zone of the log flume and got drenched. And we had to walk home like it, it was so cold I couldnt feel my hands!! And even some hot chips couldnt help me feel them. Stupid coldness, grrr.

And by yesterday, my clothes still werent dry. :( But we walked down the seafront, went into town and went shopping, went back along the seafront and was waving at everyone in the cars. Even got a few wolf whistles ;)

5 comments|post comment

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